So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
