"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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