Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
