He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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