He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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