I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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