does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
