all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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