FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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