Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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