I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
