We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
