Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There r osticjed everywhere
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
