The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
