i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
