If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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