ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
