I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
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