Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she peed on how many people?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
