I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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