Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
