i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
