Already got asked if we're dating
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Randomize
