I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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