im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
