Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
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