Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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