i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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