I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
