how can u be prego again
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
