i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
