that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
