I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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