he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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