he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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