filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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