how do flat chested girls get laid?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
