My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
