You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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