If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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