Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
