Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
