you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
