"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
