He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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