i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
