You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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