NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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