I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
