I saw his package. It spoke to me.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I am available for nakedness
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
