why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
