TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
